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User blog:Blue Jay Superior/Then
Jay: COME BACK HERE YOU- Meanwhile in a nearby cave Saraapril: THIS maniac penguin IS trying to kill ME! Club Penguin is supposed TO ane about making NEW friends, AND not war and fighting! Jay: *looks inside of cave* Is someone trying to kill you? Saraapril: Yes. Jay: Well, this can't be the first time that's happened to you. Wait, who were you chasing then? Flashback to the last episode Hologram: Activating. Progress: 0.00000000000000000000000000O0000001% Jay: I'm pretty sure one of those is the letter "O." Snobot: It'll be activated in no time! Jay: Better do something else, but what should I do? Saraapril: AND THEN, DUBSTEP DIED AGAIN AND SO DID MY RARE PET ROCK PUFFLE!!! AND I ALSO MET THIS REALLY NICE FRIEND NAMED LORNA WHO TOOK ME TO SEE THE MERRY WALRUS!!! To the left of Saraapril, Sasquatch runs out of the Clothes Shop with a lot of police officers running after him, shooting at him, but missing. Sasquatch: YELL NUVER CUTACH MEH ULIV!!! Saraapril: See? WAR!!! Snobot: Those police officers are almost as bad at shooting as Stormtroopers! Jay: *grabs staff* Snobot, I'm going out. Snobot: Why? Jay: What do you think? To stop Sasquatch! Snobot: Oh, for a minute there, I thought you were going to kill Saraapril! Jay: Unfortunately, I can't do that. End of flashback Jay: So, who's trying to kill you? Saraapril: A BALD guy in A suit! Jay: Did he happen to be wearing sunglasses? Saraapril: How DID you know? Jay: *steps out of cave* JET PACK GUY!!! Nothing happens. Saraapril: I don't THINK it was Jet PACK Guy. Jay: What color was he? Saraapril: White, and he was WEARING a HAT. Jay: Stop putting emphasis on random words. Saraapril: WHAT are you talking ABOUT? Jay: :| Are you sure he was wearing a suit? Saraapril: YEAH! It was PURPLE and he WAS wearing shoes that LOOKED like- Jay: Charlie? Meanwhile in a Ninja Hideout Charlie: Yes? Jay: *from cave* Are you trying to kill Saraapril? Charlie: No, why? Back in the cave Jay: Oh, no reason. *turns to Saraapril* His shoes looked like what? Saraapril: They looked LIKE shoes!!! Jay: That information wasn't needed... Saraapril: Oh and I think he WASn't wearing a hat. Jay: SERIOUSLY? Saraapril: Oh and I think HIS suit was ACTUALLY red. Jay: *grabs staff and starts chasing Saraapril* I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!! What, did you think this episode WASN'T about trying to kill Saraapril? Saraapril: *runs* Sasquatch: *runs into the cave* Jay: I don't want to decide! Stanley used his staff to kill-'' Jay: The narrator. *kills the narrator with staff* ''And the narrator was never heard from again. Jay: Well, I just created a new paradox. Doctor: *arrives with sonic screwdriver* DID SOMEONE SAY PARADOX? Jay: Not that kind of paradox. Doctor: Oh, fine. I'll just go back to filming Season 9... Sasquatch: *grabs chainsaw* DUHNT CAOM IN MAH CAV OR I KILL YU! Jay: *turns staff into double-sided staff* Inquisitor: THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! Darth Maul: Hey, it was mine before it was yours. *takes double-sided lightsaber* Inquisitor: HEY! Well, technically, Star Wars Rebels takes place five years before A New Hope! Darth Maul: I was in The Phantom Menace, which took place 32 years before A New Hope. Jay: STOP ARGUING! I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN STAR WARS! *disintegrates both of them with staff* This staff is incredibly overpowered. Socks: Well, it is magic. Jay: Socks, when did you get here? Socks: Well, a less intelligent specimen lifted me and carried me to this specific caven while being chased by a specimen of a higher intelligence, of which I can only predict, but seems rather likely. Jay: Saraapril brought you here? Stop using the scientific words to try and confuse people, nobody likes those jokes. 42: 'Ey! Could you, you know, get me out of here? Jay: What are you doing in my staff? 42: I've been in here for the past four episodes! Assid: That's what SHE- Jay: *knocks Assid to the next episode of penguins.doc* No you haven't, I've seen you out of this staff? 42: Fine, Snobot put me in here as punishment for reprogramming his left arm. Meanwhile in Jay's igloo Snobot: *is getting repeatedly hit by left arm* OWW! Snobot's Left Arm: WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF? WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF? WHY ARE YOU- Back in the cave 42: I told him it was just a short circuit. Jay: You should know by now that he calls them tall circuits. *pulls 42 out of staff* I suppose Margaret's going to suddenly appear here, too? No. Jay: Good, I don't like it when that happens in TV shows. Oh, in that case, Margaret pops out of nowhere. Jay: NOOOOOOOOOO! Margaret: HOW THE *censored* DID I GET HERE? Jay: I'd like to answer that, but I need to shoot first. *shoots laser beam at both Sasquatch and Saraapril through staff, but misses both of them* Han Solo: Actually, I shot first. An entire army stands behind Han, wearing "HAN SHOT FIRST" T-Shirts, chanting "HAN SHOT FIRST." Jay: Go back to your own movie, we don't need takeovers. Why can't I hit both of them at the same time? Socks: If only one of us were smart, and could tell you that to hit both of them at the same time, you would need incredible precision. Jay: If only... Hey! Maybe it's because that to hit both of them at the same time, I would need incredible precision! Socks: You're a genius! Insert "don't tell me something I already know" joke here Jay: Well, whatever. *summons a bunch of mirrors with staff to redirect laser beams* Okay, this should work! *shoots the laser beams again, which break through the mirrors* I guess that's what realistically happens when you try to reflect lasers... 42: Well, whatever those types of lasers are, anyways. Jay: *other half of staff disappears* Okay, let me try something else. *puts on wizard outfit and fake beard and slams staff on ground* YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Nothing happens. Socks: What was that for? Jay: Don't question me... *takes off wizard suit and beard and slams staff on ground again, causing time to freeze* This should be an easy way to kill them. Margaret: Which one are you going to kill first? Jay: Both of them. 42: That's impossible! Jay: Oh really? *rebuilds mirror and steps into it, another Jay stepping out of that mirror* Mirror Jay: I'm a mirror clone. Jay: *in the mirror* The Mirror Jay will go to kill Saraapril, and I'll kill Sasquatch. Mirror Jay has a mind of his own. 42: YOU'RE MESSING WITH MY MIND RIGHT NOW Socks: Might as well add a penrose staircase while you're at it! This goes against everything in science! Jay: Science doesn't apply to magic. It's not called the Science Staff. Mirror Jay: See, I'm from a Mirror Cloniverse, a universe pretty much identical to this one, except backwards. *tries to step forward, but steps backwards* I'm going to have to get used to this. Socks: I'm sorry, "cloniverse?" Jay: Just made it up. It pretty much is our universe, but you can cross into it as if it were a different universe, and your activities in that universe also affect the ones in your own. Mirror Jay: Makes complete sense in my head! Jay: Everything's backwards here... Mirror Jay: Maybe this wasn't a good idea. *steps into the mirror* Jay: *tries to jump out of the mirror* How do I do this? Mirror Jay: There has to be a mirror mirror in here! Jay: No there isn't, the mirror isn't reflecting off the mirror. Mirror Jay: But then there'd be three of us! Jay: Four. Mirror Jay: Five? Jay: INFINITE. Mirror Jay: We can try destroying the mirror. Jay: That could kill both of us! Mirror Jay: It'll kill me. 42: *breaks mirror* Jay: *is suddenly behind the mirror* I wonder how much percent of the audience that made sense to. Socks: I don't even get it. Jay: Anyways, let's kill them. Margaret: This entire episode is pointless. Jay: Yes it- The end. Jay: is- HEY! I DIDN'T EVEN KILL ANYONE YET! Socks: Maybe you shouldn't. Jay: *unfreezes time* Police Officer: *chases Sasquatch: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! Sasquatch: WUT NO IM NUT Police Officer: Oh, you aren't? Goodbye then. *leaves* False alarm, everyone. He's not under arrest. Jay: HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? Margaret: Oh, so THIS you don't understand? Jay: Fine, I won't kill him, I'll probably need him alive in some future episode anyways. Saraapril, on the other hand, is completely pointless. *aims staff* Die, Saraapril. Saraapril: NO!!! DON'T kill me, BECAUSE Club Penguin shouldn't be ABOUT war, but it is and they EVEN tricked parents who SAW that Merry Walrus SPECIAL! Those parents WILL learn that Club Penguin is about war, and sue them!!! Jay: *staff shifts into a gun* 3... 2... 1... Why do I even bother counting down? I'm just stalling! Anyways, zer- Apprentice: *falls from the top of the cave* WAIT! Jay: :| How did YOU get here? Apprentice: I don't know. *bounces off of Jay's head* But I saw something coming down for Saraapril! Jay: What? Suddenly, a limo arrives. Perry the Pizza Guy steps out of the limo. Saraapril: It's HIM! Jay: He doesn't look ANYTHING like what you told me! That's Perry the Pizza Guy! Saraapril: What? Oh, that's not him. They look so much alike. Jay: After I kill you, I'm buying you glasses. Perry the Pizza Guy: *suddenly turns into Spike Hike* Sorry, whenever I leave, I have to change my outfit so people won't notice me. Jay: You mean you just happened to look like Perry the Pizza Guy? Spike Hike: Perry the who? Jay: ...how am I supposed to be convinced by this? Spike Hike: Perry the Pizza Guy, I assume, works at the Pizza Parlor. Jay: Yes. Spike Hike: How long has he worked there? Jay: About a year. Spike Hike: And he wears a chef hat and Aqua. Jay: Yes. Spike Hike: *gives clues to Sherlock* Sherlock: A full-time chef at the Pizza Parlor gets payed minimum wage, for the rest of the money goes to the part-time chefs who play the Pizzatron 3000. Minimum wage in Club Penguin is 1 coin. 365 coins is not enough to pay for Spike Hike's outfit, a limo, or me. Jay: And exactly how could he not play other games around Club Penguin? Sherlock: In the time you took asking that question, I asked the Pizza Parlor Manager how much money Perry the Pizza Guy currently has, and he said 315. 365 - 315 = 50, the exact amount of money it takes to buy a Chef Hat. I also had a little extra time and scaled all of the island, revealing that he has not stepped in any room containing a mini game besides the Pizza Parlor. Jay: Did you scan the ice berg? Sherlock: Ice berg? There's no bridge to cross over there, so you have to be magic to get there! Jay: The map is magic. 42: He smells like Spike Hike. He smelled the same way when he was in his Perry the Pizza Guy form. Margaret: And Perry the Pizza Guy smells like pizza. Spike Hike: Can we please get to the point? Jay: Fine. I guess I'm convinced you're Spike Hike. Spike Hike: Saraapril, we're taking you away. Saraapril: WHAT? Spike Hike: You've complained one too many times- actually, 1,000,000,000 too many times. We're going to take you to a military base in Afghanistan. You're going to be a doctor. Sherlock: A position opened recently. Saraapril: What? You- you CAN'T- Spike Hike: Come on, we're going to show you what war is really about. Saraapril: NOO! CLUB PENGUIN IS WAR! CURSE YOU DISN- *is pulled into the limousine, which drives away* Jay: Well, I guess we didn't have to kill her. Later, at Jay's igloo... Jay: I need to fix my computer. It hasn't been working ever since the Gaea Incident Thing. Snobot: While you're at it, could you fix my left arm? Snobot's Left Arm: WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF? WHY ARE- Jay: *throws hammer at Snobot's left arm and the arm falls off* Snobot's Left Arm: WHY ARE You hitting yourself... *deactivates* Snobot: Sir, I think you might want to see this. Jay: What is it? Hologram: Progress: 100% Jay: That's good. Oh, I need to shut off my staff before it- The staff shoots a laser at the hologram, and knocks off the "1" in "100." Hologram: Progress: 0.000000000000000001% Jay: NOTHING IN THIS EPISODE MAKES ANY SENSE. 42: *outside* Jay, I think someone dropped something. Jay: What is it? *walks outside to see an ID badge* It looks exactly like what Saraapril described earlier. A terrible recolor of Jet Pack Guy. 42: What does it say his name is? Jay: Never mind his name, we'll get to that in a minute, but it's got his location, so I'll probably be going there in the next episode. Locy: *walks up* Okay, I've been holding it in all of the episode. *telepathically lifts up frying pan, which spins around, smacking Jay several times* That feels better! *grabs frying pan out of the air and walks away* 42: How does that not hurt? Jay: You get used to running gags. 42: So, what's his name? Jay: ...Muffin Man. dun Dun DUN Jay: Is that supposed to be intimidating or something? It's more ridiculous than Jet Pack Guy and Perry the Pizza Guy. Speaking of going to places and Perry the Pizza Guy, I also need to check out his base, too... To be continued... Okay, I'm running out of things to say at the end and it's only the sixth time I've done this. Three comments. Blue Jay Superior ~ Insert signature Category:Blog posts